My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
