hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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