Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize