This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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