I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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