I cannot find my penis.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
