i wish my penis had a tongue
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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