the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
