I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
