is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
