Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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