I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
