They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I've blown a few things in my day
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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