So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
