you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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