I CAN MOONWALK!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
