I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
