i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
