I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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