i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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