I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
