yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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