Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
