I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
