We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
