I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
