the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
