JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
