My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
