the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I enjoy the company of your penis
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