So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
