i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
