he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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