he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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