Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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