If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
