right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
