I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
