you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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