I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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