i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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