Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
