Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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