I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there's paper in my vomit.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You brought string cheese to the strip club
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
