I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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