our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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