just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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