he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
