I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
