i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
