please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He felt like a one man threesome
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
