I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
