He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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