he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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