you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
