i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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