nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
