we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
