Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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