youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
pop tarts are not kleenex
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
