dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
