Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
