Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
