Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
