I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
